Mikes Writing

today is visa day

Today I go to get my retirement visa extended another year. There's a little process to it. First my daughter takes the passport and two passport photos and the money. It costs $300 for a year. I always give her more because she is very good at doing these things for me. Then the passport is sent by courier to Phnom Penh. At that point it's a wait. Usually about 7 to 10 days. Now the extension is a simple little sticker with a QR code. Can fit about 5 on a single visa page. Used to be a full page visa.

It's hard but not impossible to do things without it. One thing is a hotel or guesthouse rental. They prefer taking the real passport and a photo of the live visa and the front page. Some settle for a digitized copy. Another thing is getting a physical SIM card. Numbers are registered now and tied to the passport number. I can ask my wife to do this but I have had the same number and SIM card since 2022. Don't want to really change.

There's perhaps other things I don't know. We don't own a condo or home and will never get a car. Not sure if the passport is needed for that.

This is the only interaction with Cambodia immigration I ever have. There are no routine checks. No online forms to do if I want to travel outside Cambodia. No periodic checking in. They pretty much leave me alone and let me get on with whatever it is I do.

other little things

Lately I've been watching some different videos on YouTube. Normally it's history and archeology but it's come to me more and more people are basically unhappy. They want some kind of life change. I was writing in my journal this morning about this thing. How life itself seems broken. How people want more. Or less. I think more people want an exit.

Many end up changing countries. There's an attraction. A pull. A desire to find a simpler life. Maybe one that doesn't cost so much in either money or time. Southeast Asia has always been a destination for people. Many have simply given up. They cannot find the happiness and joy in wherever they come from. Today I watched yet another vlog here about how that is for one person. There's this sense of desperation that many of us have felt. Overwhelming and feeling powerless. Like the world really is not built for us to find our within feelings.

So it's no mystery people want to leave. I did many wrong things before. I did do right things too though. At one point I was basically drowning in credit card debt. It was horrible. Combine that with a divorce and family issues and a less than stellar outlook for work for some years. I found my way though with a non profit debt consolidation entity. They coordinated with both credit card companies and I was on my way. The way was slow. It took years. But the result was no more debt. No house payments. I did have a cheap car to pay off but by then I had secured my last job which gave me full time work and benefits. That one thing that I knew would end let me reach no debt at all. Months before I would leave.

What I realized in this journey is if I owed anyone anything I would not be free. I could not find my own way if someone owned part of me.

The other thing was things. Owning and buying things. I realized I had enough things. So I went the opposite way. I went to nothing as much as I could. Older mobile phones. A MacBook Air I have had for 5 years. Life in Southeast Asia has been the way it is for me because I want nothing. It's much easier to have almost nothing. Definitely easier to afford.

So why bring all this up? Because doing the new visa makes me question life things more. Makes me see what life here is like. What I want from it. I came here seeking the release but also the enjoyment. The freedom to go as I want. Live where I please. That part has become less with my wife here. She is an anchor one way or other. I sometimes silently rebel and tell my daughter here I want something to change. She gets it.

The last thing I want to mention that occurred to me leaving and arriving here many times is sometimes the desire to have expat friendships. This has never worked for me. That one thing has seemed forever challenging. And I know why after some reflection and questioning. It's because we all are broken when we leave and when we arrive here we are still in pieces. Nothing here mends that. Instead living in Cambodia gives so many life chances. So many ways to reset a failure. Yet finding friendships is daunting.

One expat related because we are individuals. We are separate and apart from the Cambodian culture and their norms. We can never fit in. Cannot assimilate and we should not expect it. We can have caring and devoted wives and partners here and my wife takes good care of me. She cooks and makes sure I have things I want or need. She cannot bridge this gap of them and us. It just cannot be. So we come here with our pasts and presents and maybe a rosy future outlook. Maybe so much comes to us. We find a new life. A new way of doing life. What we don't seem to find are like minded souls. Bill last night told me he would stop by viva on his moto to see if I was there almost daily. He has a home full of Khmer family that love him. He's still missing the one connection. I think we all go through that here. We arrive and find and live. Maybe thrive. But we are individuals. Outside and meant to be by our own instruments. We are different.

So when I get my new visa and I think on this I realize it's all how it's meant to be. We are supposed to be different. Not in lockstep with others. Finding our own way.

Perhaps I'm wrong. Would not be the first or last time. I'll sit here this morning and think on it no doubt. Then I'll get a tuktuk and go to meet my daughter here. She will laugh and hug me and ask for some soup.

That's how life goes on.